36 or was it 26?

I am T – 2 days till I turn 36.  I know, I don’t believe it either and I’ve seen my birth certificate.  There are days when I feel 56 and others when I feel 16.  I am somewhere in between on the rest of the days.

When I look back on the last 36 years I wonder how I got where I am.  I am very blessed and lucky to have the family and friends that I have.  I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, food in the fridge (when I actually go to the grocery store that is…) and 2 kitties that I adore!…and they tolerate me.

I also feel like I’m missing so much.  20 years ago, if you asked me where I would be in life in 20 years, I wouldn’t have said Spokane, living in my grandpas house, single with 2 cats.  I would have said, somewhere in Oregon or California, married with a couple kids, and let’s be honest…at least 2 cats 🙂

Don’t get me wrong, I love my cats!  I am thankful for my house!  And as small and boring as it can be, Spokane is home because my family is here!  Just feel like I’m missing some key things that I thought I would have by now.  Maybe I’m not ready, maybe he isn’t ready, maybe we are ready and haven’t met, maybe he is already in my life.  I have no stinking clue and THAT is why it bothers me.  I just want to know!  I miss my best friend and I don’t even know if I know him yet.  How is that possible?

Life is hard! Life is awesome!  Relationships are hard and also so awesome!

Really all I wanted to say with this is, I am doing my best to be ok with being a single lady with 2 cats at age 36.  Life isn’t perfect, but life is good.  I say that a lot to myself, and I want to say it to you too!  If you are struggling, write, draw, sing, dance…whatever it is that helps you process your thoughts and feelings.  I never really know if I make sense to anyone, I usually don’t even make sense to myself, but writing helps me to get it out.

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