Thoughts & Words

What do you do when you don’t think you’ll get what you’ve always wanted?

Do you change your plans?

Do you move forward in hopes that it will still happen?

These are the things I’ve been thinking about lately.  I have wanted a husband and children for as long as I could remember.  Each day, month, year that goes by without those things makes me feel like I’ve been dreaming for the wrong things.  What have I missed out on or who have I missed out on because it didn’t fit my mold of what I wanted…or thought I wanted?

I don’t know how to turn these thoughts off.  Am I doing life all wrong?  I go out and enjoy people, have fun and celebrate the moment.  Then I go home alone.  How is this the life that is meant for me?  My dreams have always been filled with joy and happiness, family, children, grandchildren…the list goes on!

Now don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful family and fantastic friends!  I just feel as though something is still missing…Someone is missing.  Do I already know him?  Did I mess up the moment?  Did I let him walk away, or even worse, push him away with my demands of fitting in to MY dreams?

I don’t know the answers.  I don’t expect someone else to have them either.  These are just my thoughts tonight.  I want more than mac n cheese and Grey’s Anatomy on a friday night.  Or at least someone by my side while eating junk food and watching stupid TV shows.

That’s all I’ve got for you tonight.

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